Someone important asked me last week if I am a "glass half empty" or "glass half full" type of gal. Generally, I am most certainly the latter but we all have those days of complete emptiness. Some weeks there are more empty days than full. I suppose that has something to do with balance, which physically I was not blessed with but that is a completely different story.
This is who I am. This is how I was raised. I believe in the good in people even when they have nothing good to offer. I believe in their words, their promises. I believe in patience towards people. Because everything stellar is worth a wait. I believe that if someone truly wants to change and accomplish something, they can. But sometimes what I forget is that change comes from action, not words. Words are not enough. Actually I am beginning to finally figure out that words mean pretty close to nothing. For so long listening to those words, those promises, was just enough for me. Because I believed them. I believed in the people speaking those words. But words are just as easily erased by actions as they are supported by them. Words can be hurtful but I now know that the absence of action stings a million times more.
It's funny, not even a week ago that same man told me my life reminded him of a movie. One of those movies with a perfectly happy ending. But then it hit me like a ton of bricks; you can't have a movie without action. You cannot fast forward the in between, the fluff, because then the story makes no sense.
It is so easy to fast forward in our minds. To skip the bad parts and to envision exactly how you picture your life. The person. The home. The town. The job. The dog and for goodness sake's the dang chicken coop. It is a whole hell of a lot harder to live the life that is now. Because it is raw. It is real. You cannot close your eyes and immediately be somewhere different. These last couple of months I was doing exactly that. I was not here. I was not living my life. Instead, I was envisioning my own movie. I was stuck as my mind was running a million miles a minute. I was moving through the motions just to get to what I saw as my perfect future. But there is no such thing without the fluff. The hardships, the heartbreaks, the lessons, the tears, the screams and certainly the laughter- you wind up completely empty without them.
This man then kindly reminded me that I need to slow down. Step on the breaks and pull out of the fast lane. I am fine. Not knowing what tomorrow brings is half the fun anyway. I am not the only one blindly moving forward. But I must continue moving forward anyway. He advised me to take a step sideways from my tangled mess and reassess the pieces. He reminded me to breathe.
Breathe. I have to remember I am exactly where I need to be in my life. I must let situations play themselves out on their own. That is so much easier said than done; but a task I am learning to master nonetheless. I am where I am. I am who I am. My head was in the clouds for weeks and now I am grounded once more. It is so good to be back here. Back to reality. To remember everything that I have in my life is good. Every person is someone I chose because they make me better. Even when I chose wrong, I am still better because of it. I wanted to change everything. I wanted all of my pieces to magically fit together without working through the puzzle. I lost my patience for a long while. Now I have refocused my patience on to me, my life, and my handful. My wonderful reality is much better than what I was fast forwarding to in my mind. And today, today at the very least, my glass is completely full.
Stay Ferocious my friends.
Until next time,
xx
-K
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